YOU HAVE TO BE READY - (short story)

GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH

job 8:11

can the rush grow up without mire?  can the flag grow without water?

    UNBEKNOWNST to me, it was my last night in baltimore.  i'd been finding rest-although extremely uncomfortable & impossible-in an emergency room chair at the hospital some simple blocks from the flixbus i'd dismounted a few years prior.   it was my third or 4th night there and i could feel the dissatisfaction that emanated from the white male staff who'd, without reluctance, seen enough of me.  i'd just come from the restrooms situated where beds held emergency victims and was making myself comfortable by extending my legs to meet the wall midway, when, "jasmine berry," rang from the voice of a nurse seeking my presence.  i met her between the triage desk and the double doors that led to the curtained off rooms-slowly treading along the sterile tunnel with blurred vision and shaky nerves-only to realize i was being handed my discharge papers and intentionally casted out with nowhere to find shelter.  the hospital, although freezing cold and comfortless, had become a familiar safe haven and my place of refuge.  every day for a week straight, i was on the phone with the baltimore homeless services hotline acquiring about a safe space to rest for the night.  i'd even enlisted the assistance of the hospital social services manager for resources.  but, every day, without fail, i was repeatedly turned away due to the shortage of available beds.  

    i called the baltimore mission, since i'd stayed with them on my first trip to maryland, and was told to arrive at a certain time in order to hold my bed.  upon arrival, however, i was purposely rejected.  during my previous time with them, i did not receive proper treatment from the supervisor in charge.  she was rude and biased towards me-forcing me to stand in church service or lose my bed.  she ignored my requests for clothing during check-in, but happily provided outfits to another young lady who showed up after me, and she chose to pick on me, with condescending rhetoric, every chance she got.  i chose-in each instance-to stand up for myself, which was imperceptibly frowned upon.  so, with the door cracked and tension ripe for the picking, i recalled the prior mistreatment aloud-direct eye contact & passion prominent.  after being told they were completely full, but to ring them up the following day in case an opening magically appeared, i victoriously walked away with a smile on my face & my head held high.  it had begun to drizzle, the day unilluminated and the air frigid & nefarious, but i felt accomplished in my purpose and was surprisingly prepared-with joyous verve-to conquer the night no matter its circumstances.  the training wheels were off and with no one holding onto the seat or handlebars for balance's sake, i had to jump into self-preservation; into fight or flight.  and without reluctance, i chose both.  

    maybe i have the memory and soul of an elephant.  maybe my ability to fall in love with numbers at a young age gifted me a sixth sense to innately problem solve.  it may have been all the books i swallowed whole along my journey to insatiate a hunger for exploration.  what i know for sure, is that GOD has called me to trek upon a road akin to the one not taken and chart a new & vivid path to freedom.     

MARK 7:21-23

for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders. thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. all these evil things come from within & defile the man. 

    i suppose a kid with very few memories of their mother and none of their father does end up alone, possibly struggling to survive.  a warrior, in & out of government vice grips like a thief in the night, expertly utilizing pressure as a springboard into bodies of water so massive, the unknown-proving to be of consistent repetition-gently announces itself as lawful rhetoric one must delve into without becoming deluged by its presence.  

    light is frightenin' when all you've ever known is darkness.  it appears out of nowhere - a crime with no imminent punishment - disrupting a coarse life into one of possibility; a resurrection akin to lazarus being raised from the dead or the hemorrhaging woman instantly healed with the simple but faith-filled touch of jesus' cloak.  the light, a merciful & gracious glow that proudly flames the transcendental power of LOVE!!

SIDENOTE:

you are a breathing monument to your ancestors!  your chariot awaits to bring you into the life of your dreams.  you're vibin' so high, it's palpable.  get ready to feel the way you make others feel.  when one door closes, another one opens-and you are truly open to receive!!