IN ORDER TO LET GO

    I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH GRACE I NEEDED UNTIL THE MOURNING PERIOD HAD ENDED.  I WAS LETTING GO OF AN OLDER VERSION OF MYSELF WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY RELEASING MULTIPLE ENERGIES FROM THE PAST.  THESE ALLEGEDLY DEVOUT, YET POTENT PATTERNS, INCLUDED PEOPLE, THOUGHTS, HABITS, & SONGS,,, I HAD AN INITIAL DAY OF MOURNING ONCE I COMPLETED THE RELEASE ALOUD.  I TURNED AWAY FROM THE WORLD AND CLIMBED INTO BED ALLOWING THE TEARS TO REPEATEDLY ROLL DOWN MY CHEEKS.  THE SCREAMS I FORCED INTO THE PILLOW THAT CRADLED MY NECK, PRODUCED CRYPTIC SOUNDS I WAS UNAWARE LIVED INSIDE OF ME.  IT HURT LIKE HELL TO KNOW THAT I HAD PAINS ATTACHED TO THIS VERSION OF MYSELF.  EVEN MORE TO REALIZE I WAS JUST FINE WITH LETTING GO.  I WAS SUFFOCATING WHILE EASILY BREATHING.  AND THAT HAD TO STOP!! 

    THE CHANGE JUST HAPPENED.  AND INSTEAD OF IGNORING THE IMMINENT TOWER-PRETENDING I HAD IT ALL FIGURED OUT-I CHOSE TO PUSH MY LUCK & LET THE PIECES FALL WHEN & WHERE THEY MAY.  IT WAS MY NEED FOR CONTROL, IN PAST INSTANCES, THAT'D PREVENTED ME FROM GOING WITH THE FLOW OF THIS PARTICULAR CURRENT.  MY FEAR OF SEEING MYSELF STANDING TALL, SURROUNDED BY THE LIGHT THAT INNATELY POURS FROM MY HEART.  IT'S TOUGH TO REAWAKEN THAT CHILD-LIKE BELIEF IN MIRACLES; IN MAGIC.  ESPECIALLY WHEN NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO BELIEVE.  I KNEW WHAT I WANTED.  I KNEW WHAT I'D BEEN ASKING GOD FOR.  I KNEW HOW TO ENSURE IT CAME TO FRUITION-ACTUALLY BEGGING GOD TO SEE MY WANTS AS RIGHT FOR ME.  I KNEW EXACTLY WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW & WHY.  EXCEPT, FORTUNATELY, I DID NOT!  IT TOOK A WHOLESOME ENVIRONMENT SHIFT TO AWAKEN THE PATTERN OF SELF-SABOTAGE I'D SNUGGLY NESTLED UP TO OUT OF HABITUAL COMFORT ZONE SYNDROME.  A MAJOR INFRINGEMENT UPON GOD'S PLANS, INJURIOUS TO MY FORWARD MOVEMENT.  I BEGAN TO GROUND.  I BEGAN-WITH DISCOMFORT AND CHILDISH BURST-TO HOARD MY ENERGY.  THE INNER LAYERS OF MY BUDDING ROSE HAD TO PROCESS THE REMOVAL OF THORNS SO AS NOT TO HINDER DELICATE HANDS OF KINDNESS PREPARED TO PLUCK ME FROM AN ARRANGED BOUQUET AND GENTLY PLACE ME IN A VASE SEPARATE FROM THE REST!  

HERE, I REDISCOVERED MY WHY!!

COMPLETELY FREE